Intentional Work, LLC

I recently re-read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and was completely caught off-guard by something Stephen Covey wrote:

"…love is a verb. Love -- the feeling -- is a fruit of love, the verb.

...Reactive people make [love] a feeling...

… Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn in to the world...

...Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. " (7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey, pg. 80).

This was a business book. A book I was reading to help my executive coaching clients become more effective. What was he doing talking about 'L-O-V-E'. Was I one of those people that was being 'reactive'? (At that moment, yes).

So much of our language these days is reactive. And it's becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. I hear my clients, my friends, family and associates using language that is reactive and then producing evidence to support the belief. There is an increased feeling of being a victim and out of control, not in charge of their life or their destiny. It's no surprise the blame falls to outside themselves (other people, circumstances, even astrology) for a situation of their own making.

But how do we change that?

Start noticing where and how often you're doing it. Some phrases you might hear yourself (or someone else) make that are Reactive:

• "There's nothing I can do about it."
• "She makes me so mad."
• "He won't allow that."
• "I can't."
• "If only."
• "That's just the way things are."

You know what? Those statements absolve the person saying them of any responsibility. Yet, aren't we responsible? We don't live in the paradigm of determinism (all circumstances are out of our control). We determine what happens.

Here are some ways to make the language Proactive:

• "Let's look at the alternatives." (What can I do to shift things?)
• "I control my own feelings." (She knows how to push my buttons, but it's my choice to get mad.)
• "I can create an effective presentation." (I can make a different choice, consider alternatives.)
• "I choose." (Because we always have a choice.)
• "I will." (I choose to.)
• "I can choose a different approach." (Because there's always another way.)

Over the last few years I have become a MASTER at proactive statements and positive thinking. Many of my friends and clients comment on it ("Your positivity is infectious!", "You always come up with the silver lining", "Are you always so positive?"). After working in a high-stress, high tech company, I had to start making different choices if I wanted to be able to survive, or even thrive. One of those choices, was to remind myself, I always had a choice.

My biggest choice was to do something I loved, in a way I loved doing it. I stopped being reactive and started being a whole lot more proactive.

I went and make love a verb.

What can you do to be proactive? What do you already do that is?

Join me for a Small Group, Proactive, tele-coaching program. 4 weeks. Better habits. Better results. Breakthroughs. Starts Monday the 16th. 2 Spots left.